Article written by Rebecca Strong, MA, LMHC of Strong Solutions WNY
The Window of Tolerance is a phrase coined by Dr Dan Siegel,clinical professor of psychiatry and the co-founder of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA, and is used to describe brain/body reactions, especially following adversity. When people are within this zone, they are typically able to readily receive, process, and integrate information and otherwise respond to the demands of everyday life without much difficulty. What might interest you about the optimal zone? This is where things feel just right; where you are best able to cope with the punches life throws at you. You are calm but not tired. You are alert but not anxious. The metaphorical shoe fits just right; is not too tight so as to squish your toes and prevent you from freely doing the rhumba on the dance floor and not too loose that you walk right out of the very things that are protecting your feet from sloshing in the wet rain. The porridge is not too hot to eat so as to burn the roof of your mouth and not too cold that it turns you off to eating it; it’s just the right temperature for the yum factor to occur. Remember, we are alert but not anxious and calm but not tired. It’s that Goldilocks state of being/feeling that most people spends thousands of dollars to go on vacation in search of.
When I am not in the Optimal Zone, where am I? When not in the optimal zone of smooth sailing and rolling with the punches; we are most commonly either on our way to or in a full-blown state of hyper-activation. Hyper-activation can be summarized as a state/experience of overwhelm. Or we are on our way to or in a full-blown state of hypo-activation. Hypo-activation can also be known as a state/experience of underwhelm.
The altered state of Hyper-Activation is when you feel extremely anxious, angry, or even out of control. One’s heart rate and blood pressure increase and blood flows to the large muscle groups. Unfamiliar or threatening feelings can overwhelm you, and you might want to fight or run away. One’s thinking may become rigid or chaotic, thoughts race, judgement becomes poor and emotional reactivity increases. When on your way to the hyper-activated state; one usually passes through a state of dysregulation which is when you begin to feel agitated. You may feel anxious, revved up, or angry. You don’t yet feel out of control but you also don’t feel comfortable.
The altered state of Hypo-Activation is when you feel extremely zoned out and numb, both emotionally and physically. The heart rate decreases and blood flows to the extremities creating an absence of sensation. Time can go missing, it might feel like you are completely frozen. It’s not something you choose - your body takes over. One’s thinking may slow or become disabled, one may withdrawal or isolate and defensive responses are disabled. On your way to being hypo-activated; you are likely to pass through a state of dysregulation. This is when you begin to feel like you’re shutting down. You may feel a little spacey, lose track of time, or start to feel sluggish. You don’t feel out of control, but you also don’t feel comfortable.
Are there antidotes to these extremes? Yes. But like anything worthwhile in life; it will require some effort; consistent effort and … it might be worth it to get some support for this part.
For states of hyper-activation; we need practices for the body and for the mind that, what I call, discharge the nervous system so that one can move towards the stable, steady middle. When one is in the hypo-activated state; one needs practices and thoughts that recharge the nervous system. You may have noticed the dysregulation phase in the descriptions above. This is the phase where one encounters the early warning signs that the waters of hyper or hypo-activation are near. If we catch ourselves soon enough, we can prevent ourselves from going all the way into the extremes.
How do we know where we are on the map at any given time and what tools do we use to get back to steady? Great question! Learning about one’s nervous system and one’s baseline is absolutely essential in being able to stabilize one’s nervous system towards regulation and ultimately … resiliency. What do we do once we know more? We then utilize the seminal tool of mindfulness. The practice of mindfulness is pivotal in the journey back to the middle and nothing but habit will occur without it. Mindfulness allows us to pause long enough to take note that the weather of dysregulation is lurking on the horizon and the storm of activation may soon be quickly approaching. Mindfulness is a practice that must be learned and cultivated. Mindfulness engages our neocortical regions of the brain and thus activates our higher executive functioning. That just in and of itself sounds good, doesn’t it? “I’ll have what she’s having, please.” With mindfulness, we learn to become our own internal meteorologists; thus becoming more able to predict the emotional weather patterns of the moment, day, or coming week. This is remarkably helpful as it allows us to better prepare ourselves and our loved ones with the proper life skills and coping mechanisms so as to not get caught out in the rain or hail storm without the proper gear for keeping our nervous system and moods regulated in the face of life’s stressors.
How Psychotherapy can help if you let it. Psychotherapy can help in reaching and sustaining a state of steady. I liken psychotherapy to going to REI for gear and/or to the mechanic. Let’s go with the mechanic analogy since we live and drive in WNY. When our cars break-down, unless we are a mechanic, are you?, we usually have to suck it up and take our vehicles to the technicians who can help us. They usually run a diagnostic test to see what wires are over or under performing and then they know what needs tuning-up. At the foundation, this is quite similar to going to see a skill-based clinician/psychotherapist or mental health counselor. We know that not all mechanics are created equal and so too applies in the behavioral health world. I would suggest finding a clinician who has a training in the somatic aspect of human behavior; meaning … they are going to help you to look at your experience through the lens of the nervous system; they will help you to see which wires are over functioning and which wires are under-functioning so as to diagnose where on the map you tend to gravitate towards; hyper, hypo, or both. This will also allow you to learn just how you are wired so that eventually, you can become your own diagnostician; learning to adjust your own internal dials and then once you get into sustaining a state of steady; you’ll only occasionally need to head to the therapy shop for a tune-up from the professional. Ultimately, psychotherapy encourages and teaches you to become an expert of your own experience which allows you to fine-tune your own inner game. Fine-tuning your own inner game allows you to get more of the results from life that we are truly seeking. Sound too good to be true? It’s not. I serve people in doing this every single day and I apply and practice what I teach in my own humble life. It is amazing to watch people learning to take these tools into their own heads, hearts and hands and transform their lives in big and small everyday ways.
What do we do in psychotherapy/mental health counseling? You come in. I ask a handful of questions; not too many but enough to get start painting a picture of your life and situation. You respond. I actually pay attention to what you are telling me. Together we look at the Window Of Tolerance map. I ask what you want to be different as a result of coming to therapy. I send you home with homework. You do the homework. Yes, I know, homework! You come back to see me. You share with me what you’ve learned. I learn with you. We design our path forward from there.
Often our work together becomes a combination of clarifying where it is you are wanting to head; cleaning up some unprocessed material from the past, increasing awareness, self-kindness and capacity building, and then preparing you for the steps in your life you most want to next take. Sometimes therapy includes bringing in your spouse or kid or loved-one for that extra buffer of support; sometimes it doesn't. Ultimately, we see where you are on your path, where you would like to head and how to best get you there pronto. Mix that with a dose of empathy, some shared clear seeing about the truths of the situation, some laughter, some tears and some earnest effort from both of us towards seeing you win at your life. Coming to therapy takes courage, I admit it, and … if your life was like your car, you’d eventually take it to the shop, throw down the cash, and have the professional tune it up so that all of its wires were functioning in their optimal zone - allowing you to optimally arrive at your destination of choice.
Rebecca Strong, MA, NY State Licensed Mental Health Counselor and CO State Licensed Professional Counselor, Registered Yoga Teacher and EMDR therapist can be found at Strong Solutions; 552 Linden Ave, East Aurora, NY 14052; phone 720-513-1705; email: rebecca@strongsolutionswny.com.
* Data for article was sourced from NICABM; National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine.